Let’s face it: In light of the recent events, I’ve been pretty much shit at keeping up with the blog. This is no doubt disheartening, and it sucks, because I haven’t even achieved my first year, and my statistics have forged ahead into monophonic decline. Not that I’ve been keeping tabs so much as I did as a blogger novitiate, but honestly, it’s a little frustrating that for months on end, my blog has sojourned at a virtual standstill. I know that blogging is all about sharing your thoughts and opinions, and not about reaching out to an expanding audience, but because I (like most others), thrive in progress, I hope you understand that lately I’ve been feeling dismal about the fact that I haven’t been on the blog regularly enough to keep it from standing on the brink of perpetual stagnation.
So basically, what I’m trying to say here is that I feel like a failure. I know that up until this moment, I’ve shot the works at embodying a constant ray of sunshine, throwing around random bits of impromptu advice to bloggers who need the simple jolt of motivation I offer. However, I’m human in every respect, which means that I’m not sorrow / disappointment / despondency proof. Sometimes I feel as if I haven’t been pushing my boundaries brutally enough. Sometimes I think that if I tried to do things differently, I would be miles and miles ahead.
But the thing is, I’m not. I used to reply emphatically to comments I receive, no exceptions, to let my readers know that I take all of their thoughts into account– and I do. But lately, I’ve answered in response to some for the sake of getting it over with so I can start drafting a new post, sometimes not even letting the comment totally sink in (which is a total shame to admit, but there you have it). Furthermore, I’ve been promising a queued entry to help keep the blog updated during similar circumstances, but the reason why I can’t make them is the same reason why I need them in the first place: I’m pressed for time.
So what’s the rush, Jasmine? You can’t possibly be that busy.
As a matter of fact, I am, because a few months prior, I signed up for all these activities to keep my senior year productive, and somewhere along the way, my limit was consigned to oblivion. To add to this destitution, whatever it is that I’ve signed up for doesn’t exactly allow me the luxury of backing down.
For a more comprehensive overview of my senior year, let me tell you that Parallax (the school fair) is in three days, and I have to print, sort out, and manually count chits, record T-shirt orders and prepare the sound system for the concert. Moreover, I have yet to design posters for charity events, which is deplorable if you’re a dilettante to Photoshop, and I’m even worse. As for my onus to the Yearbook Committee, I have to edit news articles, gather photos for the collage, abridge the student write-ups, write entries on important events and generate a compilation in timetable format. I was missing in action last week because my group had to make a toy for the Science and Technology Week, where we had to create a board game from magnets, transistor circuits, aluminum bars and lots of heavy plywood, assemble the circuit, solder the wires, and glue gun the light emitting diodes to the contraption. Yup, it’s about as fun as it sounds.
Oh, and prom is in eight days, and I have yet to steeplechase for a ready-to-wear dress
that won’t fall off my non-existent cleavage and would hug my almost non-existent waistline (sometimes, I just feel like a goddamned toothpick). And then of course there’s the matter of my academics, which means research papers, long tests, surprise quizzes, graded recitations, practical exams, presentations, lightning tasks, military training, and physical fitness tests (usually 5 laps around the campus in half an hour). Brain cells melt and my legs turn to jelly. Good times.
So that pretty much sums up my life since I’ve dabbled in abrupt truancy. And likely until I graduate, none of that is going to change. So much for devoting my free time to the blog (though last I checked, I didn’t exactly have any to begin with). Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t write this post to whine about why I just can’t seem to blog the right way, although of course this fact deeply frustrates me.
The real reason why is because I need your help. I know that this is the first time that I’m asking to be on the receiving end of counsel, but if I can’t cope with the nervous tension within the confines of my being, I can’t expect to manage dishing out advise to cope with the tension without. I, however, refuse to believe that I am a blogging resolution failure this early. Yes, it may be problematic for me to find the drive to succeed in the midst of failure, but I’ve done it before, albeit to a lesser degree, and hopefully it’s not too late to change course.
So here’s the question: do you think it’s too early to claim that I am blogging resolution failure (or that anyone is, for that matter?) How do you manage your time when it comes to blogging? What gives you the drive to blog? Do tell me in the comments below!
And because I don’t want to end on a sour note, I just want to let you guys know that my efforts at school haven’t exactly come to naught— I passed the entrance exams for each of the three colleges I applied for, which of course makes it all worthwhile. In addition, I was chosen as a candidate for the IntarMed program at the University of the Philippines (which is an accelerated course for doctor-aspirants, and meant that by some miracle, I was one of the top 82 from thousands to take the test. At the moment, it hasn’t even begun to sink in). I also managed a spot as one of the Director’s Listers for the Ateneo (top 200 or so), which is pretty surreal principally because Management Engineering is math heavy and is an honors course, and as a matter of fact, I expected to fail the test itself (the maths churned my brain into zombie meat). So yeah, none of that would have happened without sacrificing some of the time I usually reserve for blogging and using it instead to study for these exams, so I do hope that if I have failed you in a way, you understand that I did, not intentionally, but at a worthy expense. But of course I won’t stop trying.
So wish me luck, and I’ll see you later!